Not Okay

The patterns of my thoughts
So very quick
And you seep in?
I am not okay with that
Nor am I okay
with missing you
And everything I might have blew
This odd lil fantasy for two
That brews in my alternative universe
The cure to a curse
Which is today
We stay beyond arm’s distance
And yet my mind reminisces
What was and could have been
And I am not okay with that
I don’t want to remember
Because it leads to a December
Colder than any Winter
It splinters
My devotion to self
And the overwhelming guilt that is felt
When you seep in
at the hour of lullabies
am fully aware
That I still care
And wished that you did too
But that is a wish for a fool
So I am not okay with that
I want it to be over
I want to pull you closer
Tell you this feeling to let go
That I have finally taken time to grow
And you are the reason
Meant to be here beyond a season
A lifetime full of pleasing
Once upon a time
You felt the same as I
and wanted to never deprive
Our future
A humble steward to my heart
But that was torn apart
And before the hour of sleep is nigh
Tears flood the edges of my eye
and I realize
I am not okay.



Phot Credit:  Next Life, NO Kids

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Ameehsal MindSpeaka

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